Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive. (from the movie “Damaged”)

January 17, 2008 at 12:32 pm | In breast cancer, cancer, health | 1 Comment

I’d been warned by several people in the hospital not to rush getting well, not to take on too much. Just Tuesday I was telling the plastic surgeon’s nurse how great I felt, and she told me that there would be good days, and there would be bad. Well, today is bad. It is one of the days that my scars and pain and the tubing running out of my sides are more Frankenstein than signs of healing. I got ready to shower this morning and wanted to cry. Where was my optimism? My hope? My strength? Instead of looking ahead, I was looking at a piece of damaged goods, a body scarred and sick and carved up. Damaged.

But not ruined. It’s been a tough couple of days because the drains in my side prevent me from sleeping any other way than on my back. So there’s not much sleep, and when I do sleep, I end up with back and neck pain. The pain meds cause nausea. Whine, whine, whine. I treated my horrible mood after my shower to a lunch of water (my conscience speaking) and a slice of chocolate cheesecake (my self-pity). I’m getting tired of getting well. I’m not a patient person. Not by a long shot. My kids, especially Arden, are not managing all that well, and would be really happy if I could start taking them to school again and just get well enough to get life back to normal.

Serenity now. Breathe. One day at a time. Well, I’m trying. I still insist on looking at the glass as half full, and ready to be filled a bit more. This disease is an opportunity for me to reexamine life and redetermine what I want to do with it. Today I might just wallow a bit, eat some salty carbs, whine, and sigh dramatically.

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  1. I happened upon this your page when searching the quote, “Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive,” by Josephine Hart and wanted you to know that although I have no clue who you are nor will I ever meet you, I wanted you to know, my mother was recently diagnosed with kidney cancer (allbeit, not as severe as breast cancer) yet scary all the same… My mom and I have shared this one verse with one another to help us get through all the trials and tribulations we have both endured the past few months, besides the cancer, (which turned out to be the icing on the cake with all the other ridiculous hurdles in life thrown our way.)

    I wanted to share that verse with you, and hope you will pardon by intrusion if you are not a religious person – I believe it is beneficial for those who know God and those who do not… Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.” To add to this, Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 10:13, “God is faithful, and He will not let you be tested beyond your strength but with your testing He will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.” This is hard to see in times of severe physical pain, depression that physically makes one sick, and times when we some people would rather sulk and eat bon-bons while feeling sorry for herself instead of facing the harder truth; somehow, someway, we will always get through this hard time we are facing.

    Your post truly tugged at my heart, as you described your physical pain and lack of drive, although I do not know you – I wanted to take that pain from you and comfort you, even if it by Scripture you may not necessarily believe in.

    Good luck with your treatments and recovery and know that little ole’ Rachel from Alabama is praying for your quick and painless recovery.

    Comment by Rachel — June 20, 2009 #

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